Tag Archives: Review

Review: Sex and the City 2

The stuff nightmares are made of.

Review: Now, before you wonder why I ever watched this film, I’ll confess: I didn’t watch it on principle. As a fourth wave feminist, I find the sexcapades and vapid materialism of Carrie and company to be deeply disturbing, setting back gender equality at least by a couple centuries. The fact that it’s so popular is just another example of the things that are wrong with this world. I would go as far as to say that Sex and the City is for young women what extremist Muslim clerics are for youths in the Middle East: (hopefully) the vast majority will dismiss them as crazies, but there will be a significant number of confused young people who think that it’s actually a viable lifestyle to strut around in Manolo Blahniks or blow up a school because you think that a book that you’ve never read says it’s a good idea. You think I’m being too harsh on shallow, materialistic, and utterly fabulous women? Just you wait ten years and let’s see which forces bring down civilization.

But I digress. I wasn’t planning on comparing Carrie Bradshaw to Osama bin Laden. Actually, I don’t think anyone has ever done that before. Something about political correctness or something. Which is ironic, considering that from what I’ve seen in the trailers, this film strives to make the two worlds of fashionistas and angry, insulted Muslims collide. Unfortunately, I’m afraid that it will end in millions of dollars of profit. Bleh.

Since I didn’t actually see the film nor ever intend to, I will just take some quotes from other reviewers who were forced to watch this movie because they get paid (far too little) to do so. As you will see, the movie inspires a new level of creativity in the way critics trash movies. Continue reading

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Review: MGMT’s Congratulations

Like the album itself, the cover tends to confuse people, who then shrug and say, "That's not half-bad."

Review: WHYYY MGMT WHHHYYYYYY??!!!??!!?!! I THOUGHT I KNEW YOU BUT APPARENTLY I DON’T! WHY HAVE YOU LOST YOUR ELECTRIC FEEL? WAS THE FIRST ALBUM JUST YOU HAVING SOME TIME TO PRETEND? THINK OF THE YOUTH! KIDS! WHAT SONGS SHALL WE LISTEN TO NOW DURING OUR WEEKEND WARS? WELL CONGRATULATIONS! YOU’VE BROKEN MY HEART!

Once you get over the initial sense of betrayal and confusion, you’ll realize that this album isn’t that bad at all. It’s kinda like being married to Scarlett Johansson for a long time (in a magical alternate reality where people didn’t get less hot as time went by, maybe even hotter) and one day woke up to find that you’re actually in bed with Zooey Deschanel. At first you’d be like, “Wha-? But why? I liked her!” and then you’d be like “But then again, well hello there stranger ;)”

There are worse fates. Believe me.

The musical style of this sophomore album is very typical indie rock stuff, but that’s never been a bad thing, is it? I would definitely sit near a window sill and turn this music on while reading a book on my iPad and sipping a chai latte at a fair trade cafe. I mean, it is a bit unimaginative and overdone, but nothing I’d turn down. Kind of like an bacon avocado burger. It was a brilliant idea the first time around, but now everyone does it. Have you stopped eating them?

Seriously, awesome.

To be honest, I do long for the hit singles like ‘Kids’ and ‘Electric Feel’ and ‘Time To Pretend’. Not necessarily because they were better crafted songs than the ones in this album, but because good electric indie pop is much harder to come by than psychedelic indie rock, which nowadays is a dime a dozen. I could name ten bands that sound like Congratulations, but none that sound like Oracular Spectacular. But I won’t. It’s still too early for that.

Review: Clash of the Titans

PERSEUS AGAINST THE KRAKEN!

Synopsis: VOLDEMORT WANTS TO RELEASE THE KRAKEN! VOLDEMORT ASKS QUI-GON JINN IF HE CAN RELEASE THE KRAKEN! JAKE SULLY FROM AVATAR DOESN’T WANT TO RELEASE THE KRAKEN! JAKE SULLY IS THE SON OF QUI-GON JINN, WHO WANTS TO RELEASE THE KRAKEN! QUI-GON JINN RELEASES THE KRAKEN! THE KRAKEN IS RELEASED!

Recommended for: PEOPLE WHO WANT TO RELEASE THE KRAKEN! PEOPLE WHO WANT TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE RELEASE THE KRAKEN! PEOPLE WHO WANT TO SEE THE KRAKEN!

Review: ZEUS SAYS “RELEASE THE KRAKEN!” THEY RELEASED THE KRAKEN! A+ FOR RELEASING THE KRAKEN! C- FOR NOT RELEASING THE KRAKEN EARLY ENOUGH!

"RELEASE THE KRAKEN!"

"I AM THE KRAKEN!"

Lessons Learned:

WHEN YOU’RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT RELEASE THE KRAKEN!

WHEN YOU’RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT RELEASE THE KRAKEN!

WHEN YOU’RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT

AND YOU REALLY WANT TO SHOW IT

WHEN YOU’RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT RELEASE THE KRAKEN!

Review: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Note: The review isn't entirely in capital letters. I promise.

Note: The review isn't entirely in capital letters. I promise.

Synopsis: OH MY GOD THERE ARE NINJAS AND PEOPLE SHOOTING OTHER PEOPLE AND EXPLOSIONS AND PEOPLE CAUSING EXPLOSIONS AND THEN NINJAS SHOOTING PEOPLE AND NINJAS CAUSING EXPLOSIONS AND THEY HAVE THESE AWESOME SUITS WHICH MAKE THEM RUN REALLY FAST SO THAT THEY CAN CAUSE MORE EXPLOSIONS FASTER AND THEN THERE ARE HOT CHICKS WHO WEAR REVEALING ATTIRE WHILE SHOOTING PEOPLE AND CAUSING EXPLOSIONS AND THEY HAVE AWESOME VEHICLES THAT BLOW UP THINGS INCLUDING EACH OTHER’S AWESOME¬† VEHICLES AND THEN THEY BLOW UP HALF OF FRANCE AND SCARE THE CRAP OUT OF A POLAR BEAR AND OH MY GOD THERE’S THIS DUDE WHO MIND CONTROLS OTHER PEOPLE SO THEY CAN SHOOT PEOPLE AND BLOW THINGS UP AND THERE’S ALSO A COUPLE OF BACK STORIES BUT THEY DON’T HAVE EXPLOSIONS (WELL EXCEPT FOR ONE) PLUS THEY’RE SPOILERRIFIC SO I WON’T TALK ABOUT THEM BUT MY GOD THE BADASSERY OF THIS FILM- Continue reading

Review: 2001: A Space Odyssey

Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey is arguably one of the most influential films of all time, setting the tone for the space-opera genre and its presence can still be felt today in films such as Wall-E. I finally got around to watching it today, and I was stunned by the craftsmanship and artistic vision of Kubrick, how he boldly portrayed the narrative of the history of the human race in a brief 141 minutes of art. The understated complexities of 2001: A Space Odyssey continue to provoke the thoughts of aspiring poets, philosophers, and filmmakers alike, and the breadth of the literature of interpretations of this film reaching biblical proportions, both figuratively and quite literally. Despite being more than forty years old, 2001: A Space Odyssey continues to occupy a space on the upper echelons of the cinematic pantheon and it remains a sweeping allegory of the past, present, and future of humanity. It is indeed a truly artistic movie worthy of any critic’s praise.

On a completely unrelated note, I absolutely despise pretentiously artistic movies that critics fawn over.

Review: 500 Days Of Summer Soundtrack

SO MUCH ZOOEY DESCHANEL. JOY.

SO MUCH ZOOEY DESCHANEL. JOY.

Review: When I realized that the soundtrack for 500 Days of Summer had come out yesterday, I started giggling insanely with glee. I haven’t giggled that insanely since a few hours before when I was watching HP6 and Dumbledore suggested that Harry should let Professor Slughorn “collect” him. Teehee. There I go again.

So I bought the soundtrack off Amazon, and to my great delight, the album cover was a mosaic of pictures of Zooey Deschanel. That’s possibly the greatest idea for an album ever. Some might find it a little creepy, but those people SHOULD GO AWAY. You should know that any discussion I have about 500 Days Of Summer will invariably degenerate into the glorification of Zooey Deschanel, the closest thing we have to an actual Greek Muse. Yes, I spent quite some time admiring the brilliant design of the album cover… She’s so purty. You really can’t get enough Zooey Deschanel. This album cover however, is an adequate fix. So I’ll be giving the album an A+. And that’s that.

Okay, if you really want to hear about what’s actually on the album, fine then, I’ll talk about it. Continue reading

Review: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

There's just something wrong with this image.

There's just something wrong with this image.

Synopsis: Well, Harry’s like, “oh my god, why are people expecting me to do something crazy like fight Voldemort, I have bigger things to deal with, like, I’m totally into my best friend Ron’s little sister Ginny cause she’s like, smart and funny and attractive, plus she’s got really good skin, but she’s dating this other dude and my heart is in pieces whenever I see them snogging cause she should totally be with me cause I’m the Chosen One, and it drives me insane that she isn’t” and Hermione’s like, “I’m totally into Ron and would do anything and everything for him, but he’s going out with Lavender who’s a crazy bitch, and they’re always like totally making out in front of everyone and I cry every night but he’s just whatever, and Harry’s like boohoo I’m in love with Ginny Weasley, which I don’t care about, and my life is SO HARD” and Ron’s like, “whatever babe, I’m a jock”. Oh, and Snape kills Dumbledore. Continue reading