Tag Archives: North Korea

Kim Jong Il and Kim Jong III

Today I found this picture of Kim & Son, and I thought it was one of those pictures that you could write essays about the symbolism, but a picture is worth a thousand words anyways, so I’ll just leave it at that.

First photos of Kim Jong III!

After years of speculation and vehement denial from North Korea’s useful idiot Alejandro Cao de Benos (who ith Spanith, tho he liketh tapath and thangria. And Vicky Chrithtina Barthelona), North Korea finally officially made Kim Jong Eun the heir to Kim Jong Il’s kingdom of impoverished Koreans. And finally, the world got their first glimpse of the recent him at North Korea’s Workers Party Congress, something that hasn’t happened since before Zooey Deschanel was born. And he looks like this!

He's the one on the left

And as you can see, he’s…erm…well, let’s just say that he’s not “slender”. I mean, it’s not a bad thing, he looks pretty self-conscious in that first photograph so I don’t want to make him feel worse about himself than he already does, because even if you have a million-man army, it doesn’t really help if you don’t feel good about who you are. Plus if I make fun of his…big-bonedness, he can probably use North Korea’s Computer Numerical Control magic to track me down and end my blog. Or he’ll cry, and I’ll feel real bad about making a to-be despot cry.

Jimmy Carter and the Kiss of Death

So yesterday, reports surfaced that Jimmy Carter was preparing for a visit to North Korea to rescue a silly American who got caught there a la Bill Clinton. Apparently, getting captured in North Korea is become the surest way to meet a former president. But I digress.

I was discussing the matter with my boss today, and he noted that the last time Jimmy Carter visited North Korea and met their Eternal Leader Kim Il Sung, Kim Il Sung died just a month later. Later I checked and verified this information. It was almost exactly a month after Jimmy Carter visited North Korea in June 1994 that Kim Il Sung died. Coincidence? Mayhaps.

But in another bizarre turn of events, it happens that Jimmy Carter also visited South Korean president Park Chung Hee in late June, 1979. Guess what also happened that year? In December President Park was assassinated. Now do you think it’s a coincidence?

Now, Kim Jong Il isn’t in the best state of health, much less healthier than his dad was in 1994, so it wouldn’t be surprising to see him kick the bucket even tomorrow. His son Kim Jong Eun is speculated to succeed in 2012, but I don’t think he’ll live to see that day. But if Jimmy Carter shows up in the near future? I’d say that’s a definite death sentence. Kim Jong Il should be terrified. So, so terrified.

HE WILL DESTROY YOU

WTF North Korean Picture of the Day

I don’t know why. I don’t know how. I don’t know who. But who cares?

Seriously, WTF?

Baaawww Kim Jong Il

Quote of the day from the Dear Leader (to President Bill Clinton when he went to North Korea to save the damsels in distress)

“You were the first person who reached out to me when my father … died, even before my allies. I’ve always remembered that and I’ve always respected you for that and I’ve always wanted to meet you.”

Awwww Birh Crinton so nice when Kim Jong Irh so ronery, Kim Jong Irh rikey rikey?

Rook! He so happy to see Birh Crinton!

Thunder Over Jong Il Peak (w/ translation)

This is a song that is often sung for the Dear Leader. So I’m guessing it’s popular in North Korea. I noticed that there was no English translation, which is a pity since it’s quite a stirring piece. So I took it upon myself to translate it. Enjoy!

정일봉의 우뢰소리

정일봉에 우뢰우니 천하가 드르릉

먹구름은 갈라지고 눈사태 쏟아진다

김정일장군님 불호령소리에

번개가 내닫는다 골마다 깨여진다

우뢰소리 우뢰소리 정일봉의 우뢰소리

정일봉에 우뢰우니 천하가 드르릉

바람은 울부짖고 돌사태 내린다

김정일장군님 신묘한 지략에

적진이 무너진다 원쑤들 비명친다

우뢰소리 – 우뢰소리

정일봉의 우뢰소리

정일봉에 우뢰우니 천하가 드르릉

새벽하늘 열리고 태양이 솟는다

김정일장군님 령도를 따라서

조선은 나아간다 사회주의 나아간다

우뢰소리 우뢰소리 정일봉의 우뢰소리

Thunder over Jong Il Peak
As thunder rolls over Jong Il Peak the earth rumbles
The storm clouds split and avalanches tumble
At the sound of the Dear Leader’s fiery voice
Lightning strikes and valleys shatter
Thunder thunder thunder over Jong Il Peak
As thunder rolls over Jong Il Peak the earth rumbles
The wind howls and mountains fall
With the Dear Leader’s wondrous strategy
Enemy lines collapse and our foes wail
Thunder thunder thunder over Jong Il Peak
As thunder rolls over Jong Il Peak the earth rumbles
The dawn sky opens and the sun rises
Under the leadership of the Dear Leader
Chosun goes forth socialism goes forth
Thunder thunder thunder over Jong Il Peak

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR, DEAR LEADER?

Kim Jong Il, back when he had a luscious mane of masculinity.

Yesterday, scurrying around like Lindsay Lohan at a nightclub.