Tag Archives: Kim Jong Un

Kim Jong Il and Kim Jong III

Today I found this picture of Kim & Son, and I thought it was one of those pictures that you could write essays about the symbolism, but a picture is worth a thousand words anyways, so I’ll just leave it at that.

First photos of Kim Jong III!

After years of speculation and vehement denial from North Korea’s useful idiot Alejandro Cao de Benos (who ith Spanith, tho he liketh tapath and thangria. And Vicky Chrithtina Barthelona), North Korea finally officially made Kim Jong Eun the heir to Kim Jong Il’s kingdom of impoverished Koreans. And finally, the world got their first glimpse of the recent him at North Korea’s Workers Party Congress, something that hasn’t happened since before Zooey Deschanel was born. And he looks like this!

He's the one on the left

And as you can see, he’s…erm…well, let’s just say that he’s not “slender”. I mean, it’s not a bad thing, he looks pretty self-conscious in that first photograph so I don’t want to make him feel worse about himself than he already does, because even if you have a million-man army, it doesn’t really help if you don’t feel good about who you are. Plus if I make fun of his…big-bonedness, he can probably use North Korea’s Computer Numerical Control magic to track me down and end my blog. Or he’ll cry, and I’ll feel real bad about making a to-be despot cry.

Who Will Be Kim Jong III?

Disclaimer: The author does not have the knowledge to speak authoritatively on the following subject. So he’ll just speak on the following subject.

When the world isn’t concerned with more important issues like some voting irregularities in Iran or the demise of a world superstar or Michelle Obama’s toned arms, the media often spends its time trying to figure out another mystery: who will be Kim Jong-Il’s successor?

Because most people have no idea what the ruckus is about, I’ve kindly volunteered to write a list of possible candidates and why they will (or will not) be the next in line. Continue reading