After years of speculation and vehement denial from North Korea’s useful idiot Alejandro Cao de Benos (who ith Spanith, tho he liketh tapath and thangria. And Vicky Chrithtina Barthelona), North Korea finally officially made Kim Jong Eun the heir to Kim Jong Il’s kingdom of impoverished Koreans. And finally, the world got their first glimpse of the recent him at North Korea’s Workers Party Congress, something that hasn’t happened since before Zooey Deschanel was born. And he looks like this!
And as you can see, he’s…erm…well, let’s just say that he’s not “slender”. I mean, it’s not a bad thing, he looks pretty self-conscious in that first photograph so I don’t want to make him feel worse about himself than he already does, because even if you have a million-man army, it doesn’t really help if you don’t feel good about who you are. Plus if I make fun of his…big-bonedness, he can probably use North Korea’s Computer Numerical Control magic to track me down and end my blog. Or he’ll cry, and I’ll feel real bad about making a to-be despot cry.