Monthly Archives: February 2010

Hallways

Have you ever found yourself walking down a long hallway, and notice someone that you know at the other end of the hall? Naturally, your first instinct is to say hello, and their response is to say hello back. But then you both realize that you’re walking towards each other, so what do you do then? I mean, you can’t really start a conversation, since you’re too far away for that, but then again, you can’t really approach each other in absolute silence, right? So you’re slowly getting closer to that person, not quite sure whether to shout some remark about the weather at them, or to just smile at them and try to communicate with your eyes, desperately hoping that your powers of telepathy will manifest soon and save you from this dilemma. You start to regret the fact that you greeted them far too soon, but then you decide that was best, since they’d notice you anyways and think you were blowing them off if you didn’t say anything until they passed by, at which moment they would have heard you mutter some form of hi, hello, or rhetorical question at them. You decide this time you’ve got it wrong, but next time, you’ll get it right. Next time, you’ll pretend you’re having a conversation on your phone, only noticing them as they pass by, flashing them a casual smile as you speak to your nonexistent companion. Next time, they’ll notice that you’re busy, and you’ll avoid the long, silent gravitational pull between two people who have prematurely exhausted all respectable social options. But right now, it’s awkward.

If Music Were Food: Bon Jovi

I was going to make a clever pun based on one of their song titles, but never mind.

If music were food, Bon Jovi would be a sloppy joe.

Mmmm...a food for the working man

You know, that good ol’ working class comfort food that consists of some red meat substance slapped between two hamburger buns that you’ve been eating since Larry King knows when? It sure ain’t healthy for you, and you wouldn’t be caught eating one in the company of cultured people, but nothing feels quite as good as a greasy sloppy joe on those long road trips through the heartland of America, and you know you’re excited when you see one on the menu of some smalltown diner. So the next time you feel like you’re livin’ on a prayer, and you don’t know if you’re dead or alive, a sloppy joe’ll be there for you, so take a bite and have a nice day!

Back in 2004

There was an BBC online poll about the worst songs ever, and the Beatles’ classic ‘Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da’ came in first. And I remember thinking to myself, “Man, British people have no taste.” And then I remembered all the great achievements that the Brits have accomplished, and thought, “Even so, who thinks ‘Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da’ is the worst song ever?” People who think Christmas pudding is a culinary masterpiece, that’s who.