Business Proposal

I just had a great idea for opening up an untapped market in the greeting card industry: Break-up cards.

Targeting the “real asshole” demographic (because if you give a card like this when you break up, the response you’ll get is probably “You’re a real asshole”), such a card would provide that extra special touch for when people want to give their soon-to-be-ex significant others a nice “I got something for you, but first we need to talk” gift. I figure there’s a massive potential market here, especially with the recent spike in casual relationships and demand for ironic products. If marketed to the right consumers and priced with a hipster premium, I think I could establish a chokehold on a demographic that Hallmark would love to get its hands on.

Some examples of such cards:

(Outside) You’re such a good friend! (Inside) Let’s keep it that way

(Outside) I love you… (Inside) for understanding that I need to meet new people

(Outside) Remember when I said I’ll love you forever? (Inside) Yeah, I might have been wrong about that

(Outside) (Picture of a train wreck) (Inside) This is us

(Outside) I love us… (Inside) as friends

(Outside) Roses are red, violets are blue (Inside) You are so sweet, but I’m breaking up with you

And of course, there’s the particularly callous

(Outside) Congratulations! (Inside) You’re single again!


(Outside) I’ve been cheating on you (Inside) Just kidding! But I still think we should break up

Any suggestions?


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